


Unbelievably Bad With Feelings

by FloatingAdrift



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alex is an idiot, Confessions, Cussing, English Teacher! Alex, Idiots, M/M, Police Officer! John, Roommates, Some angst, Worried John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 05:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17912909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloatingAdrift/pseuds/FloatingAdrift
Summary: Disclaimer: These are not my characters (they are mostly historical figures) and their personalities are based on those created in the Hamilton musical!Alex is an English teacher. John is a police officer. Can I make it any more obvious? No, I can’t but they still don’t get it either, even though they’re also roommates. They do get it eventually but they are both still struggling with other related things in different ways. This is totally not a vague summary at all. So yeah anyway, here is a three chapter fic wherein Alex and John wrestle through feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

Alex thoroughly enjoyed his life (most of it anyway). He had finally gotten a permanent teaching position at a high school and a couple of his students were actually smart (though sometimes it scared him how attached he got to them). Teaching English was fun despite how long it took to grade the assignments. Alex discovered that writing essays was a lot better than grading essays, but could cheer himself up with well-placed sarcastic comments on grammar and phrasing. So yes, he liked his job, underpaid as it is. Alex’s living situation was also fantastic though at times even he didn’t understand why he felt that way.

When Alex forced himself to actually think about it, he knew that it was because of John. Anywhere would be a great place to live if his best friend was there. Alex tried not to be depressed that he would basically follow John around like a puppy. It wasn’t as if his feelings were unwarranted exactly, they had had each other’s backs for years! John was a welcome source of support in after the tragedy that was Alex’s childhood on Nevis. The moment they met in college, the freckled man had been so open and earnest that Alex had instantly been endeared. Ever since Alex could barely remember a good memory that didn’t either involve John being there or sharing what happened with him. In all honesty, he couldn’t imagine a life without John laughing beside him. 

Alex had other friends, of course, and he loved them! There was Lafayette whom Alex had met through Principal Washington (who was the Frenchman's adoptive father) and introduced to John right before the two coincidentally found out that they would be working on the same police force. Lafayette had then shown them Hercules, who felt like their missing piece. There was also the Schuyler sisters; Angelica (another police officer), Eliza (who ran an animal shelter), and Peggy (a gym teacher at Alex’s school) who Alex adored and considered part of his family. However, what he had with Lafayette, Hercules, and John was even stronger. Together the four men had become a force of nature though it was becoming more difficult to find times to hang out as a group because their schedules were awful. Luckily (and to an extent, unfortunately) none of the group minded crashing at each other’s apartments. This mostly resulted in Alex or John coming home to Hercules and Laf sleeping on the couch, but Alex relished sneaking into the other two’s apartment to deplete their coffee supply. Lafayette was the only one who actually drank it occasionally so they never noticed until days later. Usually they would retaliate by stealing Alex and John’s ice cream which made Alex spiteful so the cycle would continue. The entire group had a bond that was as strong as it was undeniable, but Alex and John had something different, something that ran deeper.

Alex didn’t know if it had to do with the soul-crushing crush he had on John or if it was just because they were such good friends. What he did know was that everyday he was getting closer and closer to accidentally revealing that he had not so platonic feelings for the curly haired idiot! It seemed like John couldn’t go two seconds without doing something cute. He was always showing Alex plants he thought were cute and therefore had to buy (their window sill had succulents spilling from the sides) or he was getting excited over any special Animal Planet decided to show (he was still upset with Alex for pointing out that the mermaid documentary was almost entirely fake). Being around John has forced Alex to figure out inventive ways to hide his hideously obvious blush. Alex wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Recently though, he realized that John had a crush on someone. Alex had learned this mainly through subtle motions that John didn’t seem to notice he was doing. Like on Valentines Day when John would stare a little too long at romantic products on commercials or when he would look on enviously as Lafayette and Hercules did casual couple things. At first Alex thought John just wanted to be in a relationship but then one night Laf had asked him if he had a crush on someone and John had flushed and glanced away which was extremely un-John-like. So then with a festering sadness that he hid precariously, Alex suspected that John was in love with Lafayette. This made sense as John and Lafayette were both policemen, patrol partners to boot! Plus the Frenchman was drop-dead gorgeous. John was probably trying to hide it in order to avoid spoiling Laf and Hercules’ happiness. Too bad Alex’s happiness was ruined.

There was really nothing to be done about it, however, so Alex resigned himself to preserving his life with John for as long as possible. Which would be easier if John would stop being the human embodiment of sunlight! Not that Alex was bitter or anything, The worst part was that he couldn’t even be angry at his roommate. It wasn’t John’s fault that he was in love with someone else. ‘It’s not his fault that he wants someone better’ the darker side of Alex thinks. Besides he was being selfish, John had to watch Lafayette love Hercules all the time and was in a lot more pain than Alex. All Alex could do was concentrate on being there for John as the best friend John wanted him to be. If he secretly wanted to card his hands through those locks of curly hair or cradle the smooth, freckled slopes of John’s cheeks, only Alex would know. That would have to be enough.

And things remained as they had been before. Alex would come home fried, sometimes to an empty apartment (on the four days John had ten hour shifts) and on other days, a usually napping roommate on the couch. It was after a particularly strenuous day at the school that Alexander, in all his exhausted glory, finally messed up. Big time. 

Prior to said massive mistake, Alex had spent his Friday being hounded by upset teenagers who just received some rather unflattering exam grades and was kept busy during each of his breaks by the necessary evil of finishing the grading of a worksheet he had managed to forget about. A worksheet which the English teacher had to enter in the grades for before the end of the school day in order to be on time for report cards. So Alex was not having anything even remotely close to a good day. When his Hell ended, he was deathly tired and going through a harsh caffeine-crash. At that point, it was all the short man could do to make it back to their apartment alive without murdering any strangers who gave him half a reason to do so. That or freezing to death, winter was kicking his ass.

With a sigh from the depths of his soul, Alex had pushed the apartment door open and stepped into the instant warmth. Immediately he noticed that John was awake, blinking at him from his seat in the worn red chair in the corner. 

“Rough day?” asked John, setting down the book he had been paging through.

Not one to deny the invitation, Alex had unleashed his inner turmoil. He began a tirade about the aggravating students while walking over to the table to set his bag down. Meanwhile, John rose from the chair to join the teacher in the small kitchen. Alex had distantly wondered if John wanted to be closer or if he needed the proximity to hear the shorter man’s rapid-fire speech. This distraction partially incurs the large mistake haunting Alex’s brain. This is because as Alex had watched his freckled roommate reach over to adjust a plant which was a tad too close to the rim of a counter, the sunlight tumbled onto John’s face and created a breathtaking mosaic of a charming smile, starbursts of freckles, and tumbling waves of chestnut hair. Alex was still talking, but his chest felt stuffed with affection for this man. 

Unbidden, his mouth picks up from his last sentence about running out of coffee straight into “God, I am so in love with you” without any hint of hesitation. His tone didn’t even change. Once Alex’s mind catches onto what he said out loud instead of inside his head like he’d meant to, he almost stills, immediately wanting to take it back. This could ruin everything! But Alex desperately tries to reign in his panic and then he’s picking up right where he left off with a “and then this counselor came up to me and-” because maybe if he just keeps talking John won’t notice. Won’t hate him. Won’t make him move out. Won’t remove Alex from his life entirely.

John was still leaning over with his fingers on the plant’s pot with an unchanged expression. He had made no sudden motions to indicate he had heard Alex’s slip-up. Greatly relieved, the small man felt his heart settle when the other turned back towards him and his speech gradually dwindled as his tiredness really hit. After this cataclysmic event, the rest of the day was normal including the pair’s typical banter, some select movies, dinner, and then finally bed. Where Alex could fully dwell on the havoc he had narrowly avoided within the privacy of his own room. He couldn’t help berating himself for such a stupid error. After all, the teacher knew he needed to be careful with this unwanted fixation on his best friend. Otherwise, he risked losing the most amazing person he had ever met! A person who was in love with Lafayette... fuck.

 

Sitting at his desk (where he felt the most comfort), Alex was just making mental lists of ways to get over his crush when his door was thrown open rather dramatically. He whipped his head around to see the cause of the commotion and there stood John Laurens himself. The tall man looked like a weird mix of baffled and frustrated like he had been trying to figure out something incredibly enigmatic. Anxiously, Alex prayed that it was unrelated

“Ok, Alex, I have to know before I go completely insane,” John said, wide eyes searching Alexander’s face. “Did you say you were in love with me?”

‘Oh’ thought Alex. ‘So this is how I die’.

Miraculously lacking words, Alex swallowed and stuttered out, “Uh….”

“Did you?” John insisted taking a few steps forward. He was close to Alex now, towering over the shell-shocked man still perched on his desk chair. Starting to panic, Alex began sputtering, “Yes! I mean no! You weren’t supposed to hear- I didn’t mean to-” 

Alex got frustrated at his inability to talk. Quickly he jerkily stood from his chair, wrapped his arms tightly around himself, and stared directly into John’s eyes. 

“I fucking said it, ok? I’m deeply fucking in love with you and I can’t stop it and I don’t want to fucking ruin our friendship but I did it anyway because I can’t fucking seem to stop talking and I just…” Alex’s angry tone trailed off as he started to choke up. He looked away, missing John blink out of a stupor. He expected to hear John attempt to let him down nicely, to inform Alex that he liked someone else, or even a punch at this point. What the English teacher did not predict was laughter. It caught his attention and his gaze drifted back to his roommate.

John was laughing a loud breathy, exasperated laugh, perhaps a tad unstable, with the widest possible grin his face could manage. Eyes bright, the freckled man launched himself at Alex, who was very unprepared for the attack. Strong arms were wrapped around him as John said jovially, “Oh my God, we are idiots, Alexander!”. The two collapsed managing to accidentally tug on a lamp cord on the way down. Unfortunately, the lamp, of course, fell off of Alex’s desk and was destroyed. This cast them into darkness as it was the only light on at the time.

Alex, with his back on the floor, looked over at John who thankfully let go before their crash landing. Despite the darkness, he could see the other’s eyes glint in the light from the window. They were more hazel than ever and tears were forming around their edges. 

“Does this mean that you like me back?” Alex asked, not ready to have this new hope ripped from him, but wanting to be sure. John, who had stopped laughing, sighed and said, “Alex, I’ve loved you for so goddamn long, you have no idea. How did you not notice?”  
Defensively (but also smiling) Alex replied, “Well, how did you not notice me? I thought I was being obvious! That and-” his face turned sheepish “I maybe, sorta thought you were in love with Lafayette?”

John snorted, “Lafayette? Alex, are you serious? He’s with Hercules!” 

“I know! That’s why I thought you weren’t saying anything!”

“That’s stupid.”

Sticking his tongue out, Alex swatted near where he thought John’s arm was. “You’re stupid!”  
They laid there for another moment, just looking at each other, until John found Alex’s hand and laced their fingers together. Alex was surprised for the third time that night because the way their hands fit into each other’s felt intimately right. John cleared his throat. Contrary to the bold grab for Alex’s hand, he sounded hesitant when he voiced both of their thoughts.

“Are we dating now?” To which Alex squeezed the larger hand intertwined with his and said with fondness,”John, we’d fucking better be dating after that.” The short man was about to lean in to finally kiss John when he noticed that the broken lamp had started a small fire which was wreaking havoc on some curtains. Cursing, Alex sprang onto his feet. John looked remained unaware of the problem for a second, but then he saw the spreading blaze. 

They managed to put out the flames with the help of a fire extinguisher John forced Alex to get because he once read an article about Christmas lights burning down entire houses. Luckily only the curtains and some carpet was damaged. Alex was a tad miffed that the fire had absolutely decimated the moment he had been having with John. Overall though, he was ecstatic! For once life was in Alex’s favor and he was busy trying to contain the pure joy coursing through him. John loved him back. It was unbelievable! He knew he didn’t really deserve John, however, Alex also knew that now that he had John, he would do everything in his power to keep him.

That night, John didn’t return to his room and Alex didn’t wake up alone for once. Feeling the most pleasant type of warm to ever exist, Alex relished in his newfound happiness while laying snuggled tightly in John’s arms, head resting on his chest. The teacher had never slept so well in his entire existence.

 

Alex sincerely expected that at some point it would become awkward between them or that the excited, happy feeling would eventually fade. He had never been more glad to be wrong. Instead, as the days trickled by Alex felt like the love in his chest only grew because being in a relationship with John was better than he’d ever dared to imagine. None of the fun things they did as friends before came to a halt, to Alex’s joy. The two men still had movie nights, they still teased the hell out of each other, and in short, they were still best friends down to the letter! Now though, they could do the romantic things that Alex only thought he’d witness in his dreams! Wrestling matches often melted into sweet kisses on the floor, video games involved John holding his remote around a lap full of Alex, even just standing next to each other in public suddenly included John’s arm casually snug around his waist. When Alex saw John standing in the kitchen, he could kiss his cheek without hesitation. During movie night, Alexander had the absolute right to cuddle into the taller man’s side and cover them both with a blanket. For God’s sake, if Alex was filled with love to the point of bursting he could actually tell John which alone was revolutionary!

It turned out that the police officer was a sucker for pet-names (Alex pretended to hate it when asked) as well as cuddling. Clingy to a fault, John seemed to get much enjoyment in pulling Alex into tight embraces at a moment’s notice. Not that the shorter man tried to resist, in fact, they both came to the unspoken consensus that it was the most comfortable to either be touching or within arm’s length of the other. A lot of things in their relationship just flowed naturally or settled into their lives perfectly making Alex wonder why they had started sooner. In the end, he was just glad that they did not have to sacrifice their friendship. Rather, the love just folded seamlessly into their lives like a snug blanket.

Their friends had been ecstatic when they finally heard the news roughly a week after they got together. Apparently Lafayette had been forced to listen to John’s venting for weeks. In fact, the first thing Lafayette had done when Alex and John confessed was say, “Thank fucking god, Alex, if I had to hear about your “sparkling eyes” one more time, I would have shot him!”. Hercules just grinned widely and hugged them both, genuinely excited by his friends' happiness. Since Lafayette knew, Washington immediately found out so Alex soon received a congratulatory email which also said that he wanted to “have a talk” with John. The short man found this funny albeit slightly confusing but his boyfriend became terrified for his life, vowing to avoid Lafayette’s father at all costs unless necessary.

Angelica also found out through Lafayette causing her to storm into their apartment at midnight with Peggy and Eliza in tow. The woman had turned off the t.v. (in the middle of a very important Mario Kart game no less), ignored Alex’s yell of “hey!”, and ranted at them for not telling her before then congratulating them on “freeing your heads from your asses”. Eliza just stood beside her smiling fondly yet sternly at them while Peggy rummaged through their cupboard. The Schuyler sisters finished the event by warning both of them not hurt the other (“Is it really effective if you threaten both of us?” inquired John, not getting an answer). As quickly as they came, the women left, Peggy throwing a quick “Congrats!” over her shoulder and holding a sandwich she had managed to make. Alex had no idea how she had accomplished this because he was pretty sure that they had no bread. John and Alex were left blinking on the couch in shock.

This was the beginning of the happiest times of his life. As Alex traveled back and forth between the high school and what he now knew was home, he couldn’t help feeling just that much happier. Small smiles kept creeping onto his face at random times from on the subway to the middle of writing an article. Even his students had noticed! They refused to stop be nosy little idiots, so he told them that if they were good he would let them meet his new boyfriend. The teacher had absolutely no real plans of doing so, but it was effective therefore he didn’t really care. 

The early blissful stage did end and though Alex was still unbelievably happy, he started to get... worried. Even though he knew at a surface level that John loved him (because John liked to say those three words liberally) doubt crept in. John was this bright, amazing person who just wanted to help people. He was funny and handsome, the literal ultimate fucking package and he was with Alex? Alex with his unhealthy living habits (which he could tell stressed John out sometimes) and raccoon eyes? Alex who never shuts up? The short man worried that one day John would glance at him apologetically and say that it was fun but that they should go back to be friends because he wanted someone to get serious with. Which was stupid, Alex knew that it was stupid, yet the thought still plagued him, particularly when he was alone (usually during John’s night shifts). Alex just wasn’t sure if John really felt as deeply about him as he felt about the other.

One strenuous night changed his mind.


	2. The Night tm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So confessions are out of the way, but Alex is still not entirely convinced something in his life could go this right and John doesn't expect to see something worse than what he has ever seen before.

It was finally spring and Alex was very much looking forward to warm weather. As much as he enjoyed the aesthetic of winter (hot cocoa, sweaters, snow, CHRISTMAS) the fact was that he was built for the sun and beaches of summer (not that the teacher could always afford a beach trip, but whatever). Unfortunately for Alex, it was one of the few infrequent and random nights where it was still chilly, so the short man had been forced to wrap himself in his favorite sweatshirt and burrow into one of the couch corners while he finished editing a political article he had in the works. John was out on a night shift which meant that although it was late Alex’s only company was the rapid clicking of the keyboard under his fingers. 

Just as he was reaching the thick of the article, the door opened and slammed shut unexpectedly. Peeking over his shoulder quickly, the teacher noticed in shock that It was John! At first, Alex thought that he had missed the time passing but when he checked the little time stamp in the corner of his laptop it said quite plainly that it was only 3 am. That meant that John was four hours earlier than normal, very odd for the dedicated policemen. The only other time he was this early was when-

Alex turned back to his laptop grinning as he heard John drop his bag on the floor with a thud. 

“Did you punch another racist creep, John?” he asked, resuming his typing. 

The curly haired man had once decked a suspected robber after the man kept throwing racial slurs at Lafayette. Angelica, who had been recently promoted to chief, was positively pissed and sent him home for the week (Alex had been a very proud and supportive boyfriend which meant Angelica ignored him for the rest of the month). 

John didn’t answer. Assuming that he was still too pent up about whatever it was to talk, Alex waited for a couple of moments until suddenly a shivering body slipped in behind him. The taller man rested his head on the other’s shoulder and curled arms around his waist drawing Alex close to his chest. This wasn’t anything unusual. Even back when they were just roommates they would use each other as heaters all the time. When John was still trembling and had tightened his arms without saying a word, Alex was flooded with concern. He shut his laptop, setting it on a small nearby table. 

“John?” Alex prompted, “What happened?”If it was possible, John’s grip increased in strength. ‘What could have happened to put him so on edge?’ Alex wondered in shock. The police officer did occasionally return home having seen some awful things, but he had never been affected this badly before! as the silence dragged on, Alex found the delayed explanation extremely foreboding. Due to the position they were in, he couldn’t turn to see John’s face which, now that Alex thought about it, might’ve been intentional. 

“We busted into someone’s house tonight,” John finally said, almost whispering. “The neighbors heard some loud noises, shouts, and crashes, but he didn’t answer the door. When we got inside-” he choked up for a second then continued, “-when we got inside he was dead, covered in knife wounds and lying in a pool of blood.”

He stopped as if to steady himself. Sensing that there was more to the story, Alex gently eased one of the arms off of him and rubbed comforting circles onto the palm. Suddenly a few teardrops dripped onto his sweatshirt where John’s head was. Alex, eyes widening, opened his mouth to say something, but John interrupted.

“God, Alex, he looked just like you!” he started shaking more. “Down to- to the hair! When we burst in and I saw him I thought-” he broke off, his fists clenching the fabric of Alex’s sweatshirt. Alex wasn’t intuitive in any sense of the word, but even he knew what the end of that sentence was. “Angelica sent me home because I couldn’t focus”.

“Oh, John..” Alex murmured, finally swiveling himself around in the other’s arms and gently grasping John’s face. Looking into his boyfriend’s eyes, Alex said firmly, “I’m here. I’m ok, you’re ok, and everything is alright. We are home and we are safe.” He did not acknowledge the tears tumbling down John’s face. Instead, Alex tucked his head under the taller man’s chin and let John hold him for as long as he needed. If he wanted to talk, the teacher was ready to listen. However, if John just wanted to take a moment of comfort then Alex would let him have it. The two fell asleep curled into each other as a nameless movie played dully in the background.

Alex found it hard to doubt John’s feelings after that, but on one memorable occasion, he did forget about the depth of them.


	3. Alex, You Are Dense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yikes

Weeks later Alex was getting ready to leave for work when John finally returned home from his night shift. Alex grinned at himself in the mirror and shook his head fondly upon hearing the sound of the no-doubt exhausted police officer yell, “Alexander! Where did you hide the Twinkies?”. John had eaten the rest of the box yesterday morning even though Alex had painstakingly warned him that he would regret it. The short man hummed to himself, tugging dark brown locks into a messy bun. He could still hear shuffling noises in the kitchen until John seemed to give in to the loss of the fluffy treats.

Exiting the bathroom, Alex headed down the hall and towards the coffee maker for the last item he needed before work: a to-go cup of liquid motivation. John was still standing forlornly in the kitchen when he entered. The sad look on the man’s face almost made Alex laugh, but he managed to suppress it in time. Instead, he offered a conciliatory pat on John’s shoulder as he walked past. Shockingly Alex was in a rather good mood this morning. It was probably because it was so close to summer, his favorite season, or possibly because school was almost out (a sentiment Alex still appreciated even as a teacher). Whatever it was, he was hoping it would last all day. 

As Alex stared at the steadily flowing coffee he felt warm arms wrap around his waist and a chin rest on his shoulder. “As nice as this is, you know I have to leave,” he said, leaning back into the embrace. A sigh blew out of John’s lips.   
“Do you really though?”

Alex gasped. “Those children need me! I have to show them the way!”

“Yesterday you called them “self-righteous hobgoblins heading straight to Hell” his boyfriend reminded him. 

Shit, Alex had forgotten about that. While the thought of staying was very very tempting, he knew Washington would be disappointed (well, he would probably rejoice that the English teacher was finally taking a day off, but Alex wasn’t going to think about that). 

“Alas, hobgoblins as they may be, they are also enrolled at my school and are therefore entitled to my time” he grabbed his coffee and kissed John on the cheek before carefully disentangling himself. Alex knew that he would come home to a clingy, sleepy pile of boyfriend on the couch when he came back. This would have to get him through the day as he could feel his good mood already dimming a tad at having to leave in the first place. 

Halfway out the door, Alex looked over his shoulder and called, “Bye, John, Love you! Try to get some rest!”

He heard John say, “You are the biggest hypocrite I have ever met, I love you and leave already!” then he shut the door and ran towards the bus stop (not spilling a drop of coffee, thank you very much). It wasn’t until the teacher got to school that he realized that he had left his phone behind. 

This, however, did not register as a major crisis to Alex initially. He would just explain the minor mistake to John when he got home (he knew John would wonder why he wasn’t returning any texts). Then they would both laugh about it. Right? 

Well, that probably would have been fine and as functional as predicted if Alex actually kept this information in his head. Instead, the man was distracted by the whirlwind that was trying to educate high schoolers who could smell summer. By lunch, his phone situation was the last thing on his mind especially since it was the last lunch meeting of the school’s debate club! After that, he had English classes and was immersed in an off-topic discussion about weird book theories. Finally, at the end of the school day, Alex was trying to convince the librarian to purchase fifty copies of Maurice by E. M. Forster until he checked his watch and noticed that he had missed the bus. 

Giving up on the argument with the promise to return to it the next day (and an insult under his breath), Alex retreated back to his classroom to spend the time productively. He decided to do some work on a partially finished article of his about a rather intriguing court case. Somehow while staring obsessively at the words littering his screen, Alex missed it as the skies darkened and the hours ticked by. What he definitely did not miss was the sound of the door slamming open. His focus broken, the first thing Alex saw upon looking up was a very, very furious John. Then his eyes flicked to the large clock hanging above John’s head.

“Shit.” the teacher said, glancing at the window and wincing. John angrily marched towards Alex’s desk.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Alex?”

The seated man shot his hands up in defense. “I swear I didn’t see the time!” he exclaimed.

His boyfriend, having reached the desk, glared down at him and demanded, “Well I guess you just didn’t see all of the times I called you either then!”. Realization dawned on Alex.

“I may have forgotten my phone this morning,” the teacher said, eyes nervously meeting John’s narrowed ones. The other man breathed out forcefully while Alex continued “But I swear I was planning to tell you as soon as I got home! I just got caught up in work-” 

Throwing his hands up in frustration John said, “You didn’t think to at least call me with someone else’s phone?”

Alex blinked, standing up from his desk chair and walking around his desk. No, he had not thought of that. 

“I forgot! I’m sorry, ok?

John stared at him steadily for a moment before saying, “Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was when you didn’t come home?” he started pacing around in front of the desk with his hands gripping his head through messy curls. “I was out looking everywhere for you! I checked all of the bus stops, that coffee shop you like, the library, then I checked Laf’s place and he suggested I come here.”

Hearing the police officer’s frustrated rant and seeing just how concerned he had been made Alex feel a little cowed. All of this could have been avoided with one phone call. Still, the teacher couldn’t help pointing out, “You really didn’t think to check my workplace first, John? Of course this is where I would be.”

“You just don’t get it.” John whirled around, marching towards Alex. “I was fucking panicking. You know why? Do you fucking know why?”He stopped inches away from Alex. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides. 

“Because all I could think about was finding you dead somewhere in some alley or house because you decided to argue with the wrong person on your way home! It was like that night all over again.” 

Looking at the freckled man, whose eyes were now shut tight, Alex had never felt more stupid and ashamed. He had completely forgotten about what John had so recently gone through just a few weeks prior. Not only had Alex not given that any thought, but he had also fully disregarded the fact that someone was waiting for him. Had he really not even considered John? 

He didn’t pause before tugging his boyfriend into a hug. “I am so sorry, John. I was the one not thinking straight.” Alex whispered into John’s jacket. 

It was quiet. Then John’s voice was hitched when he replied, “You are such a dumbass, Alex. Don’t ever do that to me again. Fucking call next time.” His arms stayed locked around the short man for another five minutes before releasing them so that Alex could grab his things and they could leave.

With his bag slung over his shoulder, the teacher strolled over to John who was waiting in the doorway. He grasped the curly haired man’s hand and was relieved when he did not pull away. 

“How do you feel about taking a vacation? I think the stress might be getting you.” Alex remarked. Truthfully he himself wasn’t sure if he meant the stress of police work or the stress of dating a human disaster. John snorted.

“The sheer irony of that statement is almost not worth mentioning,” he stated in a monotone, his hand squeezing Alex’s. “Besides, I would honestly rather use that money for a tracker.” Despite sounding serious, John’s eyes were light and his lips quirked at the edges. Alex grinned. 

“You dick! What am I, a dog?”

“Nah, dogs are well-behaved,” John teased.   
Alex gave his boyfriend the middle finger in response. They were nearing the exit door and he was looking forward to going home. Then he thought of something.

“Wait, how did you even get in here?” Alex asked, raising one eyebrow. 

“Oh, Washington thought something like this would happen. He gave me a key.” 

Alex was appalled. “What? He gave you a key to the school building?”. John shrugged his shoulders and looked a little too satisfied. 

“What can I say? The man is smart.”

Alex just looked away petulantly until John caught his attention again by saying, “Hey, you know where your phone is, right?”

Nodding but confused, Alex confirmed that he did and asked why John was wondering. Even more confusing was how the other smiled at the answer.

“No reason, I’m just excited to hear the messages Angelica left you.”

Alex paled. “You didn’t”.

“Oh, but I did. I had to report a missing person’s case after all.” John fully smiled then, and while this made Alex happier, he was now utterly terrified of touching his phone. The short man groaned dramatically while his boyfriend continued to laugh at him. They reached the door and headed outside into the dark parking lot.

Alex was not foolish enough to think that he’d been completely forgiven just yet, but was glad that John wasn’t giving up on him. 

“I love you,” he said leaning his head on the shoulder of the man next to him.

John rested his head against Alex’s tenderly. “I love you too.”


End file.
